


Twas the Chaos Before Christmas

by Devkyu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Parody, Poetry, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-23
Updated: 2012-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 00:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/325771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devkyu/pseuds/Devkyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A decidedly magical rendition of "Twas the Night before Christmas".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twas the Chaos Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the castle,

The twins, Fred and George were in quite a hassle.

The dungbombs were tucked in their pockets with care,

Poor Malfoy would wake to a head of blue hair.

The Slytherins were nestled, all snug in their beds,

While visions of ambition danced in their heads.

Hedwig on her perch and me listening to rap,

Had just settled down after catching a rat,

And out on the grounds there arose such a clatter

I sure hope it wasn't my invisible ladder.

Away to the window I flew like the Flash.

I stared out the window to witness the crash.

I leaned farther out to see down below.

But saw nothing but prints in the snow.

But what to my mischievous eyes did appear,

But a group of Death Eaters dressed up as reindeer.

With an evil ol' wizard so frustrated and wick'

I'm not stupid. That's not Saint Nick!

More rapid than beagles, this parody's not lame.

He cursed and she shouted and sweared at their names.

Yo Flasher! Now Lasher! Now Smasher and Something!

Eeew Vomit! On Stupid! On Dumber and Blitzed!

Get up that ladder. To the top of that wall!

Go faster! Go faster! Not that fast, or we'll fall!

As dry palms before a small tropical storm fly

When they crashed into obstacles, their insurance bills climb!

So up to the tower the 'reindeer' they flew,

With a sleigh full of wizards and Lord Voldemort too!

And then in a crackling I heard on the roof,

The blasting and exploding and each little poof,

As I was laughing my head off and running around,

Down the chimney the evil Voldemort came with a bound.

He was dressed in black robes from his head to his foot.

And his clothes were all splattered with ashes and soot.

As a bundle of Death Eaters land on his back,

I was laughing so hard I was ready to hack!

His eyes - how they glowered!

His haircut - how scary!

His cheeks colored ashen!

His nose, red as cherries!

His sneering mouth was tied up with a bow,

And the top of his head was drenched in white snow.

The stump of his wand he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke from his ears circled his head like a wreath.

His thin face reminded me of a horse I called Nelly.

He took a step forward and was drenched in blue jelly.

They were caked in goo and soot, also wet.

They were the stupidest people that I've ever met!

Then to waltz in, none other than the twins.

Snickering about someone with dorsal fins.

In the blink of an eye and a twist of a head,

They all felt a shuddering feeling of dread.

But to the most of their fears was who to walk in,

But the Headmaster with a look that was nothing but dim.

I pulled out my wand and turned the nearest into a bunny.

Too bad they didn't think of it as quite funny.

A riot ensued as they tried to escape!

I even got it on videotape.

I began to exclaim, as they managed to flee,

"Merry Christmas you git! From the MWPP!"

**Author's Note:**

> It has been over a decade since this was written, but what is the holiday season without festive poems? It has been slightly modified since it was originally posted on FF.net, mostly to replace the one reference to a self-insert Narrator with Harry instead. I'm sorry, Eclipse the Augurey, but everyone hates OCs.


End file.
